One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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