im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
My feet surprised me
Randomize
