after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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