Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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