So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
