Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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