i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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