Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
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