this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
