yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
