She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
