he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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