I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
