In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize