just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
