i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
