Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
