so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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