So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
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