you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
