I hate your face
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
