She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
