she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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