im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
