From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
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