Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize