please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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