i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
