i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
