I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
