She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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