theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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