Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
