Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize