so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
