When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
