My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
God I need to hump something, right now.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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