thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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