There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
