you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
