Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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