I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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