someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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