You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
