He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
so much tequila, so little girl.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
