any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
