i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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