I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
