I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Randomize
