Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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