Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
