Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
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