Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
