she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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