I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
