Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
