in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
