This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
