oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
