he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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