That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
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