When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
