That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
you win again, gameday.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
