Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I need a burrito and a hug.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
