Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.