She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
These 23 People Had Sex With Someone From Completely Different Cultures
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
25 Medical Facts That Need To Be Common Knowledge
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you