No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.