I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
