she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
