I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
