oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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