The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
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