I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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