Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize