I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
