Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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